☻ Bad in the head but good in bed ☻Queen of Kawaii
Dustin treated me like shit, as in he made me feel like shit about myself and he would talk down me and my problems and pretty much call me a slut for my past and would constantly tell me he didn’t trust me.
Now the good doesn’t now outweigh the bad at all, because I didn’t deserve that. He was emotionally manipulative and he knew he could win me over so easily and he used that to his advantage. That’s why he hasn’t texted me since the last time he accused me of still having feelings for him and me telling him I could care less, cos I’m no longer his pawn.
However, I do miss the summer. Terribly. Sometimes when I’d come over he’d be so sweet and cute and other times he’d be a complete asshole, then he’d feel bad and be sweet again. I miss mornings with him where he’d make me breakfast tho, or the late nights where we’d sleep together. I miss driving with him with our hands still intertwined, him kissing mine every now and then. I miss hanging out with him and his friends, Kenny or Brad or the messicans. I miss restaurant dates and staying up at 3 AM watching stupid tv shows or youtube videos. I miss him playing guitar for me and making up songs with my name in it. I miss play wrestling. I miss him, but I don’t. Fuck.
- Don’t be angry at yourself when anxiety/depression flares up. It isn’t your fault and no one blames you and if they do they’re pieces of shit.
- Don’t orbit around your perceived value so much. You’re not the sum total of what you produce.
- Don’t let yourself wonder why people love you. That’s not how it works. There are not stark, individual reasons that a person can enumerate about why they love you. It’s the entire, unique combination of what and who you are.
I miss dustin right now and I’m so stupid for that
having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. it’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive, and it’s wanting friends while hating socializing. it’s like running a marathon with the willpower of a corpse because you want to get to the end but you also want to sleep and evaporate into the soil and become compost for snails and flowers because then at least you’re useful